I’m not fan of people who choose to act like victims; that complain about trivial problems, meaningless first world challenges like, “My wifi sucks!”
Recently I wrote a blog offering my
18 tips to create a STUpendous 2019. In that post I mentioned that in 2008 I was diagnosed with MS. I received a number of messages that said things like, “I am so sorry for your diagnosis, I didn’t know.”
Although I am grateful for those of you who kindly reached out. I wasn’t in need of or looking for any sympathy, but appreciate your warm thoughts. I don’t mention my diagnosis in my speeches, ever. I want your opinion of me to be about my message. A fellow speaker once mentioned it in their speech and people started coming up to me to let me know they were sorry I was dealing with this very “horrible” disease. It really bothered me because I was ok.
I’m not looking for anyone’s sympathy because I will not let my situation define my future or my present. I refuse to be a victim. So should you!
Years ago, my dear friend Laura was diagnosed with terminal cancer in her early thirties. Not long before she passed we werer out for a walk and she expressed how "lucky” she was. When I heard her say that I was obviously (and visibly) shocked at her statement.
I asked her why she thought she was “lucky”?
She said, “When your brother passed away in his car accident, he was taken away without any notice – Just gone. No chance to say goodbye. I know I am dying soon and I get to say goodbye to everyone I care about and spend time with those I love. How lucky am I?” Laura was no victim.
When I started working on my book I tried to think about how to start it, how to really set the tone for my story. I could write about any number of challenges, tragedies, or failures, but I didn't. Who cares? It’s not about that! I am not going to ever let my sad stories shape my days. HOWEVER, the lessons I learned from my past are what define and inspire me – They don’t slow me down!
This year, I challenge you to let go of “victimhood”: The ex-partner who screwed you over, the job you didn’t get, the pre-mature loss of someone you cared about, the team you didn’t get on, the teacher who was ‘against' you even where you live! It doesn’t matter. No one really cares because they are probably going through their own struggles. Just breathe, and remember there is almost always someone going through something WAY worse. Perspective is a powerful tool.
It’s also time to
forgive those that have wronged you. Maybe it’s a letter or email you write them, to say I forgive you. It doesn’t mean you are going to forget whatever they did to you. It means you are going to move forward with the lesson, but without the poison of resentment; that is dragging you down silently.
Just before my dad passed away 8 years ago, I remember sitting with him. He was full of cancer. He looked at me and quietly said, “I apologize for not being there as much as I should have.” I said, “I am sorry for judging you for not being there.” I think we both felt better. We hugged for a long time and I said goodbye.
He passed away 12 hours later. His wife, my step-mother said to me that she knew he would pass away shortly after our chat because he needed to let go of the guilt and anger. We all do. Don’t wait until your last breath to do it. Don’t be a victim.
I often remind people that it’s rarely possible to really move on tragedy and disappointment. But, you can learn from it and
move forward.
Take responsibility for you; no-one can ruin or change your life but you. I know that there are real, horrible events that happen in peoples lives, It’s not always easy to let go and take charge of your own story. But, in the long run, if you do, your life will be more STUpendous than you can imagine. It also just feels better.
Here’s to a great year ahead!
In leadership and gratitude,
