I remember dating a girl in early high school. She was the prettiest councillor at our summer camp. Every day that I would visit her we would go to the park or the movies. During those visits I kept waiting for her to say, “Just kidding”. Never happened, we actually dated on and off for about 2 years and remained friends for years.
Probably more people than we think are in some way feeling like they are “unqualified” for something that they are doing. It could be anything from the relationship they are in, to the job they perform, to the sport they play. They feel they got here by chance and, as long as no one finds out, then they can keep up the facade that they are able or deserving.
I am plagued with Imposter Syndrome as I rarely feel like I am deserving of the opportunities I’ve had. True, there are moments when I think to myself, “Damn I am good!” for something I may have said or done. However, this feeling is rare and when I think about it also uncomfortable.
Over 30 years I have spoken to thousands of audiences. Each year, every year I get up and do my thing. For the vast majority of that career I have spoken to youth audiences and later on I added educators to the mix. If I were to put a number on it, I would say I have done 98% educational presentations and 2% other. During those years I have never posted a speech I have done. I have a four minute clip on our speakers bureau
website but that’s it. I always think I look and sound awkward or unqualified, and having never graduated from anything, I often question, “Who am I to speak to anyone”. I am still waiting to become the person my high school guidance counsellor told me I was destined to be - a “failure”.
He actually said to me, “Stu, you will be nothing. Your marks are poor and you have no chance of any post secondary institution admitting you. Your best bet would be to work in the service industry because at least you can ‘pull off’ friendly.”
Imagine a grade 11 kid basically being told he has peaked already – Enjoy the downhill path!
Everything kind of changed for me this past week. Last fall I was asked to do my first ever
TEDx at the University of Waterloo. Having spoken to thousands of audiences in the past I wasn’t nervous about performing the speech. I would be lying though if I told you I wasn’t anxious about how it would land.
I was the last speaker, the anchor. Sarah, one of the organizers and former
YLCC Staff told me that she thought that me being an experienced presenter could end the day on the right tone. So I felt like I had better nail it.
It went really well! I was clear and I did my best to breathe and not stumble over any of my words. I did forget a few key words and did say that Malala went to school in Afghanistan when I knew she went to school in Pakistan, but overall it went well. I actually was the only speaker that day that received a standing ovation. I was on a high, and with my way better half in the audience (my Jenny) it was even MORE special.
Well, for months I waited to see if my speech would be approved by TED to be posted; once a month bothering Sarah to see if she knew anything about the status of the speeches. Finally, last Wednesday the email came that it was posted. I nervously and quickly clicked on the link.
For the first time, I watched myself speak.
23 minutes straight. I was strangely and uncomfortably proud. It was good. I was good. The message was good. The TEDx was actually STUpendous.
Even typing this, I want to go back and erase it. I shouldn’t brag. I am not that good.
I reached out to my usual 30 or 40 people that I am comfortable sharing things with and asked them to please watch my TEDx, let me know what they thought, and if they find it worthy, to share.
I am not leading to a social media fairytale ending; this story doesn’t end with the video going viral. It hasn’t been seen by millions. As I write this it has about 1,200 views. BUT, it has been shared by more than 100 people. More importantly than that were the comments I received from people I RESPECT. People that command BIG stages; people that are in high demand.
Two of my favourites that I am, again, uncomfortable sharing were the following.
“Your (TEDx) was a thing of beauty” and “You’re one of the most gifted storytellers I have ever witnessed”.
It doesn’t matter who they were from, just know those two comments were like an Academy award to me. These two people could and should give master classes in speaking to audiences.
My favourite and most meaningful feedback came from my friend Hannah who called me while walking down a busy Brooklyn street to say, “Thank you for making my day” as she spoke through tears. She was choking up, and that made me tear up too.
So here’s the bottom line, if you have Imposter Syndrome; if you feel like you are not “good enough” or “smart enough” or “deserving enough”, you are NOT alone.
Has this week changed me? No. As I write this I am thinking that I should edit out the parts of me boasting. But, when your peers and close friends tell you that you moved them or impacted them with your stories and thoughts, it does boost your self-esteem.
Best of all when your wife turns to you and says,
“you should be proud of that speech”, you think, maybe I should be. Maybe I belong on the stage.
Maybe I am not an imposter.
