A letter I would have liked to read when I was in high school.
Dear you,
I know... You get a lot of messages and pressure around what you’re supposed to be when you’re older. But guess what? I’m older... and I’m still trying to figure out what I want to be. So it’s totally fine that you are too.
I don’t mean that I don’t have a career or things that I love to do or that I don’t make a living. I have and do all those things. I just mean that we simply are not static beings. The definition of being alive is being ever-changing. There is no “growing up” and arriving at some magical place where you’ve figured it all out. There’s just a series of decisions that you make over the course of a lifetime, the consequences (good and bad) of those, and the lessons you try to learn from them.
As you have more and more of those moments of decision, you learn more and more about what you like, don’t like, what you’re good at, not so good at, what you could be good at if you focused on it, what you had no idea you could do until you tried. This next part is often overlooked, but an important part of the process of finding your way is also realizing what you DON’T want. Closing some doors is a great thing; it actually helps you get a clearer look at the doors that remain open and interesting to you. Even if you take a “wrong turn” or spend some time working on something that doesn’t pan out, that’s just as important to growing older and wiser as the stuff that does go well.
So, as much as possible, move beyond all those thoughts bouncing around in your head, and take a step into action. See yourself as this big radio antennae walking through the world, open to all kinds of signals beaming through the air, and see which ones catch your attention. Follow them. Interested in the event you see on that poster? Book a ticket. Curious about joining a club, the student council, going to that conference, joining that team? Sign up.
Know this as you make each decision: if you feel nervous or a sense of discomfort as you step towards any of those things, know that THAT feeling is a GOOD thing. It means you’re leveling up, growing into a bigger version of yourself, with the gifts/knowledge/lessons that whatever it is that you’re stepping into is going to teach you. The nervous feeling means you don’t have all the answers, you don’t quite understand, you don’t necessarily have the skills yet… and the only way to get the answers, to understand, to develop the skills… is to do it.
And then this amazing thing will happen where that thing that seemed so hard becomes second nature, and that thing you never imagined you could do becomes a normal part of your everyday. Then you take another step, looking for the next thing that gives you that unknown and uncertain feeling all over again. It’s kind like how when your body is growing, all of a sudden your old shoes don’t fit you anymore, same deal with your personal growth. You become bigger than that old version of you that used to fit into that smaller version of yourself. The choices change you.
Last thing I really want to tell you: you’re doing a great job just by being alive, being open, being curious. There’s nothing else to figure out. No adult has it figured out either. In fact, the wisest adults around you will be the first to tell you that they’re also on the journey. And yes, many things get better: you get more independence, more control over who you spend your time with; the things that make you unique become your superpowers instead of what you get picked on for… But there’s new challenges that come too. With every new challenge, comes the opportunity to practice and develop our power to CHOOSE how we deal with whatever comes our way.
So, from one guy who’s always trying to find the next uncomfortable thing, to a fellow traveller along the road… keep going, without a perfect plan, with just a commitment to saying YES to your curiosities, and you’ll keep finding your way.
Big love from me to you,
Peter
