Home for a Rest
This was a hard BLOG to write. I stopped and started it a few times. Last week, if you read our newsletter, you would of noticed there was no submission from me.
Before I get into the why there wasn’t one, please know we do these weekly newsletters to provide some leadership thoughts, some inspiration and information about our programs and opportunities for you, your students and your family. We have a dedicated team at YLCC and we love what we do, so thanks for reading and following along.
Now, on to my BLOG, I think this one will resonate with anyone.
Last Sunday morning, the 10th of November, I was getting ready to go and visit my closest friend on the planet. We had been planning this visit for about a week. You see Matt, my friend had been sick. He had been sick for about 7 months and had started chemotherapy about 2.5 weeks earlier, so we knew that our visit would be a mellow one. We were going to watch Star Trek, play some Hockey on the Xbox and just catch up. We would try and do this monthly.
You should know that Matt is my BEST friend and my confidant. He knows more about me than anyone. He was the best man at my weddings (yes I have been married twice), we've been together since second grade. When my brother passed away, he was there to be at my side for a week. When Laura, my other close friend passed away a couple years later, Matt sat beside me at the celebration of life. He came to OSLC, GSLS and summer camp. He was a proud friend and loved talking about what I had accomplished.
Matt was VERY accomplished himself as well, much more in fact. He had a 30 year career at TD Bank, retired as a Senior Executive and had recently started an important new role at Apple Canada. Everywhere he went Matt left his mark. People loved him. He worked hard, so hard.
Now stay with me as I get to the point of all of this - it’s relevant to you.
As I was talking to my wife Jenny that Sunday morning, telling her I was getting ready to leave to go see my friend, the phone rang and it was Matt’s wife.
“He’s gone”, she said.
The shock and disbelief was overwhelming. Maybe I didn’t hear what she said? Maybe I was wrong? No. I wasn’t. Matt had passed away a few hours earlier. 49 years old, sick for 7 months and now gone. All too quick.
The next week was a whirlwind. I spent the week with Matt’s family, who are like my own. We planned an unexpected funeral and tried to figure out the next steps.
In the end, we had a lovely celebration of Matt’s life. More than 350 people came and I delivered the eulogy, something I never imagined doing until I was much older and I was hopeful he would have done mine so I didn’t have to do his.
We are all still exhausted and numb and trying to make reason of what has happened. I have realized, like with my brother and Laura, you can’t. There are no “reasons". If you are lucky, you get to live to be 80 or 90 years and have a full life. But many are not, Laura was 33, Craig 45 and Matt 49. All gone to young.
Here’s where you come in. We are not guaranteed any amount of time on this earth. There is no preset expiry date. We get what we get. You can live a healthy life, you can eat the right food and you can be kind to your neighbour. All of this is good and all of this is the general prescription to a great life. But, it doesn’t ensure you will live to 90.
When we are young (under 21), we think we are invincible. We treat our bodies like crap, we typically judge others too quickly and for the most part we don’t recognize the opportunities around us as gifts. We often don’t choose to be selfless, we choose to be selfish. That’s youth I guess. We need to figure that out as we go.
On November 20th, John Mann passed away. He was the lead singer of Spirit of the West. Everyone knows their biggest hit and the quintessential Canadian anthem, “Home for a Rest.”
It was also one of Matt and I’s favourite bands. We had seen them many times growing up and owned every album. A few years back John had been diagnosed with Early-Onset Alzheimer's. Matt, myself and our partners had the lucky fortune to go to his last official concert at Massey Hall, it was moving and incredible. We were grateful to be part of it. For it to be part of our history.
Why do I bring this up? Because here’s what I struggle with, Spirit of the West was a wonderful group that sold millions of albums and entertained tens of thousands of people over their 30 years career. How will John be remembered? How will Matt be remembered? How will you or I be remembered?
Are we living the lives we know we should to be remembered with fondness? Will people smile when they hear your name? Will you give enough back to others that you’re never really gone to those who knew you? Stop and think about it. How do you treat your family, your parents, your friends, your non-friends, your colleagues, the planet? Do you chase money or do you chase meaning? Are you self-aware or are you self-absorbed? If you don’t like the answers to these questions, change. Be better. You don’t have to do a lot to make a difference, I talk about this in my
Tedx.
10 years ago, I remember going for a walk with Robin Sharma in the woods at my camp. He is the author of many best selling books about building a better life. He asked me, "Do you think Nelson Mandela worried about his legacy?”
I didn’t know the answer, I guessed yes. Robin said no, he worried about living a good life and doing the right thing. If he did that, his legacy would take care of itself.
Thank you for all of the kind thoughts I’ve received over the past 2 weeks, it’s been nice to hear from so many.
Matt, my other brother, will be missed. He will always be remembered by the hundreds of people that he came in contact with over the years. He will always be in my heart.
My hope is that he and John Mann are sitting together, having a cold pint and they are finally, Home for a Rest.
In leadership and gratitude,
